Penny Galvanos, 2018

Back in 2018, I briefly attended a University of New Hampshire course about satire. Our first assignment was to write three satirical obituaries. This was my favorite.

Penny Galvanos, 109, With God, We Trust
October 2018

Penny Galvanos, 109, died on Tuesday, September 5, 2018, at her childhood home on Fifth and Arch Streets in Philadelphia, PA. She passed peacefully, her trust in God ever-present.

She was being pressed by another man when she met her husband, Abraham. She joked that Abe had saved her from making a mistake, and so, on the day she agreed to marry him, he coined the phrase, “A Penny saved is a Penny earned.” Despite the multi-million-dollar net cost of her life-long depression, or perhaps because of it, Abe always called her his “Pretty Penny”.

Penny was known for carrying a tidbit of candy for the children in her life, and for treating them with a tune on her tin whistle. To this day, older Philadelphian’s fondly remember her as Penny Auntie.

Penny is survived by Abraham and their children: Franklin, Dwight, and the youngest, Thomas, who suffers from issues similar to Penny’s. She is pre-deceased by her sisters-in-law, Elizabeth of New Zealand, who passed in 1990 and Elizabeth of Canada, who passed in 2006.

In lieu of flowers donations can be made to the non-profit Stainless Steel As Copper Replacement Institute, whose research will hopefully save the life of Penny’s son, Thomas.

An Act of Congress prevents Penny’s cremation, so burial services will be held on January 1, at 1:00 PM at the Elm Walks Cemetery.