Fear, Fraud, and Fiction
I am a writer.
The first time I said those words aloud my brain screamed, “you are a fraud.” I attended the New Hampshire Writers’ Project’s (NHWP) Writers’ Day. That was when conferences were live, not virtual. There I stood, surrounded by hundreds of authentic writers. They, with their memoirs, their articles, their sci-fi, paranormal, soul-sapping, fully-bound novels, chatted across large round tables.
Me? I had reams of lined paper filled with daily ramblings. Thoughts scribbled while the sun shed its first light on leafless trees at the edge of our yard. Writings about technical work, my college-bound children, my husband and me. In those writings I discovered how, despite being content in my life, I was not happy. Something was missing. There was some lost dream that I couldn’t quite remember. Following Julia Cameron’s advice in The Artist’s Way, I took my reams of paper to the seashore, and there in the sand I highlighted recurring themes. One them stood out. Page after page I found these words: “I want to write.”
The night before that first Writers’ Day, I stared in my bathroom mirror, droplets of toothpaste freckling the glass, and whispered, “I am a writer. I am a writer.” But still, could I speak those words aloud? To people who really were writers?
The next day at the conference, I looked for an open seat . A nearby woman shifted her portfolio to make room for me to sit. She asked what brought me to the conference, I clutched harder to the lining of my coat pocket, and said, “I’m a writer.” Then, embarrassed by my deceit, I added “I just write a daily journal.”
That was when I received my first gift from an NHWP member. She didn’t laugh in my face. Nor did she tell me to go home. Instead, this stylish, white-haired woman looked at me over black-framed spectacles and said, “there’s no ‘just’ about it. You’re a writer. Period.”
I have received these gems of wisdom regularly from published and unpublished writers. For those of you who, like me, have regularly episodes of self-doubt, hopefully these words will provide you with the courage to pursue your dreams.
Top ten gems received from NHWP members and other writers:
- Write because you love to write. Not because you want to be published.
- Finish something. The first finished product is the hardest. Get it done. If it isn’t good, stick it in your bottom desk drawer. Most writers have a desk drawer novel.
- Write the scene you are afraid of writing. You know what that scene is: it’s the one you’ve been avoiding (Joseph Bakewell).
- Get known on social media. Get over the lack of privacy. There is no such thing anymore. If you ever write the great New Hampshire novel, it’ll be easier to get someone to buy it if you have a platform and followers (John Herman).
- Read. And read. And read some more. One of my favorite books on this subject is Reading Like a Writer: A Guide for People Who Love Books and For Those Who Want to Write Them by Francine Prose.
- Find a writers’ group. At NHWP’s summer write-in I joined a critique circle and for the first time shared a scene from my novel. As a result I found a nearby writers’ group. We meet regularly to listen to each other’s work and provide feedback. Look for us on Facebook. We’re called the Saturday Scribes.
- Once you find a writing group, don’t be shy. Share your work. Let others read and critique your words (Masheri Chappelle).
- You know that story, the one that haunts you, the story that only you can tell? That story can only be written once. Make sure that you are ready when you decide to write it (James Patrick Kelly).
- Reach out to others. Join a writers group or go to a virtual Writers’ Night Out. Writing can be intensely lonely.
- Listen to your inner critic, but do not let it have the last word. Self-doubt, if left unchecked, can derail even the best writers (paraphrased from The Artist Way, Julia Cameron).
A few years after that first conference, I mentioned to my writing friends that my story “Folding” was being published. Embarrassed by their praise, I added, “it was just a short story.”
“There is no ‘only’ about it.” Jessica Ellicott, Daphne du Maurier award winner for mystery, said. “You were published. Period.”
Sound familiar? I’m a slow learner.
Fear, Fraud and Fiction was published by the New Hampshire Writers’ Project on October 5, 2014.
